praying the Psalms: psalm 63
There is no one else but You - my God, the One and Only. I've sought after others - namely myself - miserable attempts to control or quirk things into some kind of submission. My little self-god at work.
There is no hope there. No life in self-direction, self-absorption, self-consciousness. My body and heart waste away when staring in that mirror, when pulling on those strings.
Because I'm more thirsty and more hungry and the bread of life isn't rising in my own hands.
So yes, it seem to be some dry and weary land here, but I have hope.
I have hope - to cling to and rest on and beg for and set my eyes on - because I've seen You at work! I've seen You in the sanctuary and beheld Your power and glory. Because Your love is better than life, my lips will praise You!
That's right - Your love is better than my very life! I can die every day, little deaths to self, because Your lovingkindness is so sustaining, so refreshing, so enough.
If I get to live on in this body another single day, I will lift up my hands to praise You. My very soul - that seat of emotions that are just all over the place - will be satisfied and saturated with the real and expansive comfort of the King. So go ahead, soul, feel it out - my King's life is mine and I have the mind of Christ! He's been my help always and without fail...I can hide safely in the One who knows me best and whose heart is for me.
I can rejoice in the hope of the glory of God.
When I'm standing at the burning edge of dawn, wondering if the night is over and if the flowers will bloom any time soon, I find that my truest self is singing for joy --great joy!-- because the King delivers me. He upholds me and I cling to Him in the night watches.
"The darkness is a small and passing thing." Small. And passing.
And I am filled with hope.