praying the psalms: Psalm 32
I have called for God's "blessing" when I have meant strictly His approval of my choices. Or maybe a specific material or tangible gift. But this? This Word says I must count myself blessed by virtue of the very fact that I have been forgiven - my sin has been covered and that is blessing. Not what God could give me. But what God has done for me. So I am blessed.
I am blessed because You, oh God, draw near to me when I choose to draw away from You in thought or word or deed.
I confess the daily, moment-by-moment desire to go my own way. To pick that fruit, to have all the answers and never feel lost or scared or afraid. I don't even obey in the small things some days - of course You would seem far away from me. How grateful I am that when I acknowledge this sin to You - when I choose to stop hiding behind my selfishness You answer me!
So I will call to You while You may be found - You are my hiding place, my forgiver, my shelter, refuge, defense. You preserve me from trouble, surround me with songs of deliverance. Father, tune my heart and ears to these holy melodies. May they swell over my thoughts and fears.
(Oh my soul, don't be foolish. Don't be hard headed and hard-hearted - it is God who instructs you in the way you should go. Loosen up those hands. Deep breaths. LOOSEN YOUR GRIP. What do you think you are holding to, my soul? It is God who will counsel You - granting you everything you need for life, for godliness, for the Way. His eye is upon you.)
So, oh Lord - I trust in You. Your lovingkindness surrounds me and becomes my abode. I can be glad in You! In You alone - not any of my self or my plans. A sweet surrender when I choose to be glad, rejoice and shout - when I give thanks to the Lord, who guides my steps!
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