five-minute friday: true

On Fridays, a bunch of brave writers gather over at Lisa-Jo Baker’s blog, to all spend 5 collective minutes writing on a single prompt. You can check out her blog for info on how it works and then consider giving it a go yourself! Five minutes. No self-editing. Just real stuff. I never read other posters before I go – makes it to difficult to hear my own words. So here I am for this week’s post, writing on true.

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"If you truly know the holy love of God, you will be a burning bush."

-Tim Keller

holy love || sarah writesThis is not the true that anyone is particularly interested in.

Not that we outright say it, but likely and often I would prefer to know the holy love of God in ways that are comfortable and not risky and not expensive and don't spend my heart. I'd like to be sanctified here on my couch, please.

But the deep deep real part of me - the part of me united with Christ's Spirit and hidden in Him...I want more than anything for people to know God and for God to use me to do it. If it means deep grief or loss, if it means unhappiness or discomfort so that others can go free, I want it.

A few years ago, when we were walking through all of our miscarriages, the question I heard God asking me was specific to my circumstances: Are you willing to remain childless if it is more valuable for my kingdom?

I (am embarrassed to admit) took several days to answer that. And by the time my emotions were done reeling at the shock of the idea of childlessness, I could boldly and tearfully say, YES. Whatever brings you glory and advances your kingdom, YES.

I want to be so true to the life of Christ in me that I am willing to lay down anything for my sister. I want to be so attuned to His voice that I can speak in tandem with His life-giving words for my family. I want to burn and lose and give if it means someone else will hear His voice and know Him.

I believe God knows my heart and desires - He placed many of them there. But in the wait and in the wondering and in the grace-filled moments of what is God doing these days? I want to know His holy love and believe His faithful heart enough to give of myself. I want to have a non-selective readiness to obey what God asks of me. 

I want to be a burning bush, so others will know His life.