Alternate title: On Saturdays, Expectations, and Whether or Not We Will Actually Get to the Pumpkin Patch
Someone I follow on Instagram recently asked about expectations versus reality on the weekends. She wanted to know if she was the only one who struggled with that on Saturdays which I am assuming was rhetorical because nothing is new under the sun and also because “expectations versus reality” is only like 3rd in line of Things We Argue About Most.
In case you were wondering, me and Mister do not have strongly complementary personality types. I wrote last week about my INTJ-ness and I continue to explore that some, so I can understand better bm tendencies and can make efforts at home to better meet the needs of my family. My handsome husband, on the opposite side of the spectrum, is an ENFJ. He, a passionate and charismatic idealist, a coach and leader, drawn to helping people, energized by groups and projects, with a “confidence that begets influence”; married to me, a quiet and pensive realist, relentlessly thoughtful, drawn to debate, energized by thoughtful conversation and the exchange of ideas, my idealism competing with my cynicism.
Now – it looks like we have a few things in common, which is true. We share a strength for intuition and are both highly stubborn (so many fireworks in this house, ohmyword). We care very deeply about family and loyalty. We share tendencies to high emotions. His emotion is expressive, while he may not understand it or how to verbalize, because his preference for extroversion makes him far more others-centric. My emotion is intensely internal, and I usually have LOTS of words to express it, because my inner world is rich and, honestly, self-aborbed. I have to THINK ABOUT IT ALL.
Overall we are a textbook “opposites attract” case.
When I started researching how our personalities work together, I began to see there is very little research available because we fall under the ‘less compatible’ category. There are lots of speculative forum posts from personality junkies, but no real scientific exploration. (To the psychologist reading this: I volunteer us as tribute! Come study us!)
On Saturday mornings, my ENFJ is ready for play. He wants to get out of the house (after cooking a delicious breakfast where he really just needs us to stay-out-of-the-kitchen-please) and even if there is no exact plan, he already has an idea of what to do and where to go and, barring my opposition, is just going to start moving in that direction. He won’t bring it up, though – because I am his functional red team and the risk of being shot down and having his plan poked holes into is so real and terrifying, that he would rather hope I just get on board as he moves forward.
I, too, have my ideas and expectations for Saturday mornings.
They do not involve music, loud games, talking over the music, and leaving the house in 5 minutes. I must hunker down and think through all of that ruckus! to get to where I want to be and figure out what I’m thinking about how my Saturday should go. Remember when you would try to count out loud to add up the bill and someone would teasingly shout random numbers at you, to through you off and get you to start over? This is my struggle, lo, all the days of my life.
It’s Saturday here.
No quiet cups of coffee and glowy candles on a blanket of autumnal color.
No slow, lazy morning wherein we lounge on the porch and toss around ideas.
At 6am, our kids are ready for the day and we drag ourselves from bed and wait for our brains to get on the same team, so we can help each other navigate the weekend.
Are we going to get out of the house? Are we not going to? Am I going to take too long to think about my plan because the constant noise makes me have to start over? Is he going to have done 18 things before I can even process one? Is his aversion to conflict going to butt up against my love of debate and will we spend 20mins in heated discussion about the Actual Plan?
I suppose I should go find out, instead of blogging about it.
My ENFJ is ready.to.go.
But here a quick few fun things for your weekend, that I expect you might enjoy:
- Fun mugs from The Daily Grace Co. – and free highlighters with every $30+ order!
- The mister and I just got our first She/He Reads Truth Bible study plans, which we have mixed emotions about (will write more on this later) – and pre-ordered their Advent study which we are REALLY looking forward to. CHRISSTTTMMMASSSSSS, y’all!
- Modern Mrs. Darcy has her daily Kindle deals up today – I’m usually powerless against this list, you guys. The reading life presents a financial struggle (maybe should also write about this more later…) Some really intriguing titles today!
- ALSO – last night I learned what exactly a red team IS, which is how I could say above that I was the mister’s red team.
- Lastly – NASA has confirmed earth has a new moon. A mini-moon? A quasi-moon? SCIENCE, people. (Apparently it is technically an asteroid.) (Also apparently this information is a year old.)